Put yourself in their shoes or try to be a human!

I recently had the privilege(?) to visit the police station (:/). Not that I'm a criminal type, I went for my passport verification. Just to make it clear I'm just a normal type of guy who is afraid to face the police (despite what they say "police are your friends").

I was waiting there in Police station for the police inspector (No comments! :/). Another girl with her mother was waiting there as well. The girl was well educated as she was MS aspirant (in U.S. of course) & mom was educated too, as she was calling herself ma'am on the phone (don't ask me why nor do I know).

Believe me, waiting in the police station can be a nightmare, not that it is waiting but you've to listen to the problems what people face (and you feel sad if you have a heart). There was another girl, who was pregnant, and her mother. They had a complaint against her father. Unfortunately, her father used to beat her (despite her being pregnant) and her mother. She was telling the inspector how he beats them, mentally tortures them. Not that this was new to me, domestic violence was all around my neighbourhood (mostly because of drinking habits of husbands and more because of male ego), but it still makes me (and it should) feel pity for people who suffer because of it, those wives and children.

During this, I happen to notice the girl and her mother who had come for police verification. And to my surprise, they were looking at that them and were laughing at them. I was literally furious at them. How can you laugh at other people's problems? How can you? Everybody have their own domestic problems to cry for. I'm sure that so called educated girl and her mother had as well. Maybe her husband never beat her (he should :P) mostly because educated people try to be sophisticated (though it doesn't make them sophisticated). If you can't have sympathy for others just try not to laugh at them at least. I gave them disgusting look (that's what I could do). I think her mother felt a little bit of shame and stopped laughing and grinning. But that was never going to change their thinking.

Some people are just happier when others are in problem. And that confirms we are evolved from animals and few of them forgot to evolve as humans. :(

Small things matter!

Did you ever had that feeling when you have lost interest in everything? You think your life is nothing but vain? You are tired of sleeping, tired of eating, tired of going to the office, even tired of watching a movie or listening to the music. You don't want to face people either. I really wonder where in the hell this state of mind comes from. You are just asking your mind, or brain or heart, what exactly do you  want? Is your sub conscious mind playing game with you? Maybe :/. 

Sometimes this does happen to me; I am so happy and there's nothing significant happened in my life which could make me happy. And sometimes I am sad, and nothing had happened which could make me sad. Sometimes I ignore; sometimes I retrospect and when I do that I find the reason of my happiness or sadness. And that reason is very worthless, like I've listened some favorite song on radio or someone had said some good words to you or someone had done some small act which have made me happy or sad.

Do I over-think every situation? (I'm 99.99% sure, I do :/ ). But most of the time it sub-consciously happens. Maybe it has become my habit to over-think every other situation (consciously or sub-consciously). Every small thing in my life matters to me, especially when it comes to the people. Like a friend who did not wait for me for lunch; for most people it is small thing but for me it can be heart breaking situation (little bit exaggeration :P, or it can be real when that person is my crush :D ). Maybe I do some nice things for people and I expect the same in return. (I really want to get rid of this habit of expecting from others)

But on the other hand I strongly believe these small things, these small actions, do tell you something about that person. Whether he is ignorant about others, whether he/she thinks only about himself/herself, whether he/she is self-centric, or other people are as well important for him/her. I have found this to be very true.

But lately I am getting more insight to this. It cannot be only criteria to judge people. People's behavior change according to situation, opposite person, their mindset, their mood at that time. For perfect person (here, by perfect person I mean, who thinks critically, and for whom his behavior doesn't change according to his feelings towards opposite person), you can judge him by his actions. But as such person does not exist on earth (as far as I know and as far as they say) actions cannot be exact reflection of the person. But it can surely give glimpse of his personality.

Art of Making People Happy

We are taught lots of things in our schools, colleges and home. But the most important skills that are very necessary for life are always left out. How to behave with people, how to be happy, how to be a good person and lots of others. I am not being all philosophical here. And I don't think philosophy is involved here at all. Often small truths which everyone agrees but requires a little bit of efforts are ignored and left aside. For the same reason that they require some effort (doesn't matter if it's less or more effort). People want to go with the flow and they chose to stay idle. They don't want to do anything beyond what pleases them or they are getting something in return for that. (And I'm no exception here :D )

Our ego plays very important part in all of this. We don't behave good with strangers and people we love (or should I say, especially with the people we love) and we lose them bit by bit. And here, by behaving good I mean doing few things pro-actively which are not required. It can make someone happy. If your friend/colleague is looking sad; do people go and ask him/her why she is sad? Or how many people really do care (if he or she is not that close)? What we really need to think is that it is what differs human from rest animal species. If you wanna be happy in your life I think the most important thing you should learn in your life is "how to make people happy".

And I have learnt that making someone happy is not that hard at all. If you don't know a person that much, act of saying good morning, asking how was their weekend, having cup of coffee with them surely makes good bonding between you. If you know each other very well, gifting something small, giving them sweets/chocolate surely helps. I'm not giving you advise on how to make people happy, I'm giving just examples that these small things do make lots of difference.

To conclude, I have to clear one thing. Isn't it obvious that these things are simple. But why it is hard for me to incorporate these. Maybe I have an ego problem. I get it, I just can't incorporate it. And does that mean, people from whom I expect these kind of things are not so different than me? 

(Not the expected ending, is it? :( )

Being a good person is necessary!

This happened very recently, one of my friend helped a colleague in one task. She didn't even go for lunch that day. And finally when the task was done by her, he took the code and presented the code to his seniors as his own. He didn't even care to tell that he took help from that girl. Not that his code would've got rejected but he did so. This either means one of two things: craziness about taking the credit or somebody didn't taught him a thing called courtesy. Do you remember something like that happened to you; you went to government bank, or some Puneri shop?

I see lot many people who have very wrong attitude towards people. Courtesy, helping others, even saying some good words are alien for some people. I used to think that all these people you encounter are bad people, but now I think they are not bad. They are just ignorant about their behaviour, they just don't realize their attitude is wrong (in that sense they are just an idiot who don't want to improve himself, and is happy with his/her current situation).

I was attending this soft skill training program at my office which includes English training as well some inter-personal, behavioural training etc. Management made it mandatory for all employees. The immediate response of everybody was that, why do we need such a training? Don't we communicate with our client on day to day basis. Do you think we can't speak English? Even I thought the same, it's just waste of time (waste of productive hours :P ). But when I started attending this class the first thing that struck my mind was why didn't I had this training in my school/college. This kind of training should be made compulsory in school.

We are not taught inter-personal skills, how to develop a good attitude, how to improve your personality. Do you remember any subject that taught you any of these? Answer is NO. We take these things very lightly and expect this things to be taught by society. You create a good person and then teach him maths, geography, history or whatever. 

Also these things start from very small things, like you message someone and that person sees your message (Thanks to Whatsapp for the feature ;)) and don't reply you back. Same goes with the call. I agree these things may not matter as such but if we take care of these smaller things we will certainly take care of big ones'.

And I guess this is what separates us from other animals. 

Puneri people :(

Location: Some random road, Pune.
Time: Noon

My friend was crossing the road some autowala comes and dashes her down, she fell down and was wounded. Whose fault it was that is irrelevant, or a latter part. The most obvious thing that that autowala should have done is go and help her or see if she's hurt. Instead he started abusing her "can't you see where you are going" etc. etc. (Maybe he was just playing a role of Punekar). Some other girl was going on the same road. She stopped her bike. Came and helped my friend to stand and asked her whether she is okay (obviously she wasn't from Pune).

If this would have happen in my city, there would have been at least 10-20 people for help, asking whether she is okay, autowala himself would have brought that person to hospital. And I am not kidding; I have witnessed such accidents where people have helped injured ones, leaving their work. 

When I came in Pune. I had tweeted this

In #Pune If u try to ask address to any1 & he says dnt knw, he is #Punekar If he listens to u den says dnt knw den he is non-punekar :-D
— Ganesh Satpute (@ghsatpute) August 23, 2013

And it is really true. And I kept getting such kind of experience whenever you go to shop or anywhere else. I'm not saying all Punekars are like this (but sadly many are :/). There are exceptions too. You always find some people who are like that in every village, every city. (If you don't, just go to any government office :P). But still getting good experience from Punekars in Pune is really hard.

We all are proud of Puneri Patya but that kind of behaviour is acceptable up to certain level. All people with Punekari (not necessarily be from Pune) attitude should get this thing in your mind other people are equally important as you are; try to be little bit courteous, it doesn't hurt at all.

Asura: The Tale of Vanquished

I am reading this book Asura: The Tale of Vanquished by Anand Neelakantan. It depicts Ramayana, the great epic of India, in perception of Ravana, the villain in the original version of Ramayana. 

The Hero of Ramayana, Rama, is known as ideal of all the men, the perfect human in all the sense, person who have control over Shadripu. The Ravana in the other hand portrayed as a common man who is prone to being evil. Having the skills and qualities of great human, his actions make him the villain. But Anand never seems biased about Ravana, he never tries to make him a hero. He tries to capture both good and bad things about Ravana, tries to show you both sides of coin. Against the traditional norms of making Ravana all bad. As the Winston Churchill quotes History is written by the victors. 

The book narrate self-thoughts of Ravana and, a commoner and a soldier of Ravana, Bhadra. Ravana, born as a poor guy, aspires to be the King and savior of Asura race (here Asura is not synonym to evil, but human race that is portrayed as devil) from Deva (not synonym to Gods but human race). The Bhadra who is a villager, victim of Deva attacks, loses his family and joins the Ravana in his aspiration to repossess the Kingdoms which are took over by Devas. Often Ravana thinks that whatever he is doing is wrong still he doesn't take any efforts to correct himself, and chooses easy way to deal with things. Which makes me think, there is Ravana( the evil) in each of us. Sometimes, we know what we are doing is wrong, still we go for that thing. Reminds of me quote of my favorite character, Dexter

Every twist, every turn can challenge our sense of direction. But it's the choices we make when we reach a fork in the road that defines who we are.

Don't we do things that we think are wrong, things which we ourself don't wanna do, just to keep our ego and our pride? There does not exist a person that is all good or all bad, all lie in between these. There exist people who wants to be good and others who simply don't care. People who be nice with people, care for them, that's what makes them good. People decides at points whether they wants to be devil or good. It's hard to control the Shadripus, thus people find easy way to deal with the things. It solves the problem or keeps you happy temporarily but most of the times affect you in the future (and that too very badly). It does not matter whether thing is small or big, it's just a choice. This quote summarises it all

Until you sell your soul to the devil; he will keep trying.

Enjoying your work.

One day, I was doing my work in my cubicle and one paper plane landed on my desk. I stood up to see my teammate was flying paper planes next cubicle (Yes, IT people are human too, they love being childish, foolish; whatever you may wanna call :P). I picked it up and threw it back towards her. To my bad luck, it turned 90 degrees it went in right side cubicle. The girl sitting there was giving me weird looks (and I really don't blame her for that). I said sorry to her. Still the same look. I just left that topic there.

Later I came to know from my friend, who is in that girl's team, that she hates our team. I was literally surprised by that. How can someone hate such a joyful team, they can be jealous that they are not part of such a team. I agree, my team is quite off-bit; they don't do just work, they enjoy the work. Every now and then we gather at my manager's cubicle. Start teasing someone, hide someone's mobile or discuss things that are not part of our job profile ;), we sometimes play dumb-charades. Of course, it's not that we don't do work, we enjoy our work rather than doing things for sake of doing.

I find people in my office, who come just to do the work. Why won't they find Monday as boring day? And I even wonder whether they give their 100% to the work. No doubt, software business is very serious business as are every other businesses. There is difference between doing your work seriously and doing a serious work. In latter, you don't have to be serious like you've given up your life and you are not allowed to laugh in the office. Just enjoying a bit at your workplace isn't such a bad thing (Provided you are doing your work). Being a professional doesn't mean being serious. I found many people, who have done something worth respect, cracking jokes, being good with people around them, motivating them. They surely inspire more people to do work rather than people with stick in hand.

My team is still my team even after I officially left that team. My teammates are my friends not just colleagues. This is very important aspect of life. We are humans and what makes us human is that we are social.